01.28.06
Posted in Gay Seniors at 11:29 pm by pikapp44
Single gay seniors have a SAGE old time
Monthly dinners at Tropics draw gay widowers and singles
By Phil LaPadula
Friday, January 27, 2006
When Wayne Morris’ partner, Howard Skelly, died in March 1999, the world he had known for 33 years came to a sudden halt.
Morris started to feel disconnected with the friendships he had built during his relationship with Skelly because they mostly spent time with other gay couples.
“They still had their partners, so I felt like they couldn’t understand the depth of my loss,” Morris says.
He wanted to connect with others who had gone through the same ordeal, who suddenly found themselves single again after years in a relationship.
So about two and a half years ago, Morris founded SAGE Men’s Singles Group. The group focuses on establishing friendships and a support network for middle-aged and senior gay men without partners.
SAGE, which stands for Senior Action in a Gay Environment, is a social group for senior gay men and lesbians with about 450 to 500 members in South Florida. SAGE South Florida has groups that cater to men, women’s groups and mixed groups.
Before Morris started his group, SAGE had a mixed singles group that met every month at a straight restaurant.
“But when you have a mixed group, the conversation tends to be very cautious,” Morris says. “I wanted to start a group for men in a gay venue where we could say what we want and be ourselves.”
The SAGE Men’s Singles Group holds dinners at Tropics, a gay restaurant in Wilton Manors, on the fourth Monday of every month. Members of the group wear red T-shirts so that they are easily recognizable. The event typically draws 20 to 30 guys, Morris says. Attendees range in age from their 40s to 80.
“It’s a great way to meet a friend for movie outings or to find a travel companion,” Morris says.
Morris explains that the group is geared to four types of people: men who were in long-term relationships whose partners have died, men who became single again after break-ups, guys who never met Mr. Right, and men who don’t want to meet Mr. Right and prefer to be single.
Morris emphasizes that the group is “not a dating service or match-making service. The emphasis is on establishing friendships,” he says. “People will feel uncomfortable if they think someone is going to hit on them at the gatherings.”
Loss of partner compared with retirement
Morris compares the loss of a partner after a long-term relationship to retirement.
While the loss of a partner brings much more emotional trauma, both situations require a life adjustment, he notes.
“When you start out working, you build a world around your job,” he says. “When you retire, that stops. It’s the same with a long-term partner. When you lose your partner, your world kind of stops. Now you have to build this whole new life with new friendships, activities and support groups.”
Morris worked as a bank officer for years before retiring and starting his own computer teaching business. He ran the computer center on the Queen Elizabeth 2 during two trans-Atlantic crossings.
Morris and his late partner shared a love for traveling. Morris thinks it’ important for people who lose their partners not to give up the things they love just because they are single again. He is still a world traveler. In fact, he just returned from a trip to Scotland and is headed to Australia and Tasmania in February. Then it will be off to Greece in April, Russia in July and Turkey in October.
Newcomers and newly single welcomed
Morris notes that the singles group regularly welcomes newcomers, including those who are newly single or new to South Florida.
Melvin Epstein, who recently decided to come out after 40 years of marriage when his wife died, decided to join the group after noticing the gathering at Tropics.
“I was sitting at a table and saw all of the red shirts,” Epstein says at a recent gathering held Jan. 23.
Morris says newcomers don’t have to be SAGE members to attend.
“You can bring anyone you like,” he says.
Tom, 56, a retired school teacher who did not want to give his last name, has never had a partner.
“I always put the kids and my job first,” Tom says. “Consequently, I’e kept a very low profile in the gay community and never found Mr. Right.”
Morris says it’s important for older gay men to have a support network to deal with the crises that go along with aging.
“Older people walk through minefields every day,” he says. “Even if you are not having a health crisis yourself, you may have friends or family members who are dealing with life-threatening illnesses.”
Morris notes that while younger men may be attracted by the thrill of dating someone who is particularly good-looking or different from themselves in age or life experiences, older gay men tend to be more interested in companionship and support.
“Younger people have more egos built into their relationships,” Morris says. “But as you get older, your needs change and it becomes more about support and sharing.”
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Posted in Gay Rights at 5:59 pm by pikapp44
Jury Duty
Can being queer land you in contempt of court?
01.25.06 By L. A. Vess
When you receive that little notice in the mail telling you that you’ve been selected for jury duty, it creates an odd mixture of dread and curiosity. Virtually no one really looks forward to spending endless hours trapped in a courtroom for the tiniest amount of compensation you can think of. Yet, there is something intriguing about the process. You never know what kind of weird, scary or dramatic case you might land on.When I got a notice for jury duty in South Carolina shortly before I moved to Seattle, I groaned and complained. I didn’t have time for this crap! However, I am a firm believer in participating in my government as much as possible - and that means fulfilling my responsibilities as a citizen.
Jury duty may not be fun, it may be even be a joke sometimes - but it is one of the ways we pay back our society for the right to our freedoms and liberties. Plus, who knows, it could end up being some really interesting case, right?When I showed up, I knew right away that it wasn’t going to be a high profile case. The tiny court room was located in a shopping center. The windows had black curtains on them, making it look like a gay bar in a bad neighborhood. I trudged into the court “building” with heavy head. Immediately was accosted by a security guard who took all my stuff and rifled through it like I was the criminal on trial. Alas, I can’t really complain - I don’t want some crazy maniac with a weapon bursting in while I’m sitting in there. So I grinned and bore it.
Then I sat and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, after I had already read most of my Atlantic Monthly, the room was called to order. There were about 35 or so other potential jurors in the room. We listened as the judge (a very Southern lady) droned on forever with an explanation about the jury selection process. It turned out that we were all there to be potential jurors on a DUI case - and that is all I can say about that. The defendant had chosen to have his case tried by a jury instead of decided by the judge.
The minutes ticked by, and I resisted strongly the urge to dive back into my magazine. Instead, I tried to pay attention, though I couldn’t figure out why it was taking so long just to be told that we would be asked questions and should answer honestly. That should be a given when you turn up for jury duty, right?
Eventually the judge stopped lecturing and started questioning. Before anything else, we had to go around the room and state our name, address, length of residence, employment, education, legal marital status and our spouse’s employment. I was immediately angry. Right there in my face was another screaming example of discrimination. South Carolina, unlike Massachusetts, of course, does not allow gay couples to marry. Otherwise my partner and I would already be legally hitched. But because we are not allowed to marry, my legal marital status is regarded as single.
I am NOT single. I am as married as a person can get without access to that damn piece of legal paperwork called a marriage license. But here I was, standing in a court of law, where my relationship with my partner meant absolutely nothing. When the questions came around to me, I was legally bound to say I was single - because according to the law, I was.
I thought about it hard as the judge went around the room asking for everyone’s personal information. Since my last name starts with a ‘V’, I was near the end. Finally, when the judge came around to me, I said out loud what I had been practicing in my head. I didn’t care if I got in trouble, I just had to say it - I felt morally obligated.
I gave my full name, my address, my length of residence, my employment and my education. Then, I said: “I am gay and partnered, but not legally allowed to marry my partner under the laws of the state of South Carolina. So I guess that means, under the legal definition, I would erroneously be labeled ’single’.”
And then I promptly sat down. The judge gave me a very nasty look, perhaps she was considering if I could be held in contempt of court. And, in a way, I did have contempt for the court - and the legal system - and the government. I have major contempt for the legal institutions that prevent me and my partner from being equally recognized and given the same rights as straight married couples.
The judge paused. The prosecutor (a police officer), the defense attorney, the defendant and virtually every juror stared at me for a long moment. Then, the judge moved on to the next person.
After a long day of questions and answers, waiting and sitting, I was eventually dismissed. I don’t really think it was because of my open declaration of my queerness. There were 35 people in the room, and they only wanted six jurors. I just didn’t fit the right profile.
Looking back, I am very glad that I was chosen for jury duty. It may have meant nothing in the larger scheme of things, but I was proud to stand up in that court room and declare in front of all of those people that I was gay and that I was a victim of legal discrimination. I was happy to put a face on the issue of gay marriage rights for those in that court room who may have never met a gay person, or heard one speak out. Which, unfortunately, is true for a lot of people in South Carolina - and across the country.
There are so many ways every day that we can make ourselves known. Stand up in a court room. Stop referring to your partner as your ‘roommate’ at the office. Mark out ’spouse’ on your patient form at the doctor and write ‘partner’ and your partner’s name. Or just write your partner’s name under ’spouse’.
The more we put a face on the issue of gay rights, the harder it will be for people to say that we are a ’small population’ or ‘all freaks and perverts’. I am as normal looking as you can get, as average as it comes - and no one picks me out as a lesbian at first glance. It surprises them when I say I am, and they are forced to re-evaluate their idea of who gay people are.
Equality begins with visibility - and visibility begins with you.
© 2006 Laura Vess, All Rights Reserved
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Posted in Gay Rights at 5:11 pm by pikapp44
The drive for gay rights
Key moments in the gay-rights movement, locally and nationally:
Nov. 29, 1966: Seattle City Council conducts its first hearing on gay civil rights in deciding whether to revoke the license of a gay bar.
1967: The Dorian Society, Seattle’s first gay-rights organization, is founded at the University of Washington.
June 27-28, 1969: Riots follow a police raid of the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York. The event is recognized as the beginning of the gay-rights movement in the United States.
June 28, 1970: First gay-and-lesbian pride march takes place in New York to commemorate the anniversary of the Stonewall riots.
1977: Gay-rights legislation first introduced in Washington state Legislature; Seattle’s first gay-pride parade draws 1,500.
1982: Wisconsin becomes first state to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation.
1987: Cal Anderson, representing Seattle’s 43rd District, becomes the first openly gay member of the Legislature after he is appointed to the House in 1987; he served in the Legislature until his death in 1995.
March 1, 1990: Seattle becomes one of the first cities in the country to extend domestic-partner benefits to city employees.
April 25, 1993: A Washington, D.C., march for equal rights for gays draws hundreds of thousands.
1997: Actress and comedian Ellen DeGeneres “comes out” as a lesbian on her TV sitcom “Ellen,” further pushing gays into the mainstream of popular culture.
Dec. 20, 1999: Vermont Supreme Court rules that gay and lesbian couples are entitled to the same rights under the law as married couples.
June 10, 2003: First legal gay marriage takes place in Canada after Ontario appeals court rules the ban on same-sex marriage unconstitutional.
Feb. 4, 2004: Massachusetts Supreme Court says same-sex couples are entitled to marry. It becomes the only state where gay marriage is legal.
Feb. 12, 2004: San Francisco issues the first same-sex marriage licenses in the nation, triggering similar efforts in other cities and states. Courts overturn all the licenses as unconstitutional.
March 8, 2004: Gay and lesbian couples sue King County seeking the right to marry. A month later, couples file a similar suit against Washington state. A decision from the state Supreme Court is expected at any time.
April 21, 2005: Legislation banning discrimination against gays and lesbians reaches the floor of the state Senate for the first time but falls one vote short of becoming law.
Jan. 28, 2006: Gay-rights legislation passes the state Senate and House, and Gov. Christine Gregoire says she’ll sign it into law.
Compiled from Seattle Times archives
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Posted in Dining at 4:59 pm by pikapp44
What’s up everybody? D and I went out for sushi today. If you didn’t know all gays and lesbians love sushi, jk!
The food was great, if you live down in South Florida, check out Sushi Takara, they’re all over the place. I’m not sure but I think the sushi roller might have been gay…maybe, maybe not.
You know, I’m lucky to have D, I love her very much:)
Well I gotta go, talk to you soon. TTYL
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01.25.06
Posted in D's Thoughts, E's Thoughts at 4:01 pm by pikapp44
My Gay Online. What is it? Well I’ll tell you what its not. It’s not just another gay website. We’re two women who just happen to be gay, writing about everyday life and trying to provide the gay community with great resources. I think you’ll see that we’re just like everybody else, with the same worries and joys.
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